Zuletzt rezensiert: "Transformers 2"

Dear Grand Poobah Of The Ministry Of Defence Of The United States Of America,

I’m writing to you from Germany, where I’ve just watched your latest war commercial "Transformers", I even paid good money to watch it (I guess that’s how you finance freedom campaigns these days).
It’s nice to see, that there are still people out there who think of Pride & Honor as a good thing, Germany had a little bad luck with wars in the latest history, so it’s kind of a taboo here; proudly spilling blood for Home & Country is usually frowned upon.
Because of this, there are of course no movies to promote this concept in Germany (at least none filmed after 1945), on the contrary, our movies just make fun of the army; I don’t know if you’ve seen "NVA" or "Kein Bund fürs Leben", they are just silly comedies without any heart and soul. They do not live up to the picture of a great good soldier.
Okay, I happened to be in the German army, and I spent my time watching women pee through infrared vision, watching a deer being shot with a 120mm tank cannon (boy, there wasn’t much left but little chunks of gore) and painting a Leopard 2A5 battle tank with a brush and three cans of paint (black, green and brown), so maybe our comedies are right and the German army is mainly for giant pussies or party people. Maybe that’s why those people founded the "Rote Armee Fraktion"..? Maybe they saw the defects in our "Bundeswehr" long before everyone else did and decided to do something about it? Anyways, they’re long gone, and you are still there, and here’s what else I like about your army: Everyone is strong, tough and a good comrade, you still fight for virtues, to sacrifice oneself is the greatest honor, and you help people, even if they don’t want your help; but to those non-believers I’d like to quote the famous German philosophic Bertram Brecht: "Imagine it’s war and nobody takes part – the war will come to you!"
"Transformers" is very good in delivering the ultimate message: soldiers die proudly for their country, everyone speaks of sacrifices to win the war and with the heroic help of the greatest army in the world the Autobots eventually manage to get rid of the evil Decepticons.
I was a little disappointed not to see the American flag in every shot, fuck, that would have made my day and filled my heart with joy and my eyes with tears, but you can’t have it all, can you? Or maybe you can by hiring a real American to direct the next movie – not that fucking long-haired hippie fag Michael Gay.
So my reason to write to you, Mr. Grand Poobah Of The Ministry Of Defence Of The United States Of America, is to ask you to let me join the bestest army in the world; I want to fight with pride, I want to defend the world and I want to die in battle, so every Klingon would shiver with fear at the pure mentioning of my name. As I’ve said, I already have military experience, so I’m ready to fight and kill Jews as soon as you put me in a uniform and give me a big fucking gun.
And because I have pure aryan blood running through my veins, I am also very good at following orders without questioning them, so I’m pretty much destined to end up as cannon fodder.
I sincerely hope that your movie speaks to people all over the world and opens their eyes, just as it did for me, so that many more give their lives for the greater good and for the greatest cause of all: Freedom of racial segregation!
Greetings from your newest recruit

Alfons "Losing Is Not An Option" Groemme

Einigen mag der Text eventuell bekannt vorkommen, da er mal 10 Monate als Rezension für den ersten Teil in der OFDB stand (bevor er von irgendeinem Klappspaten gelöscht wurde), aber wenn Michael Bay hier den gleichen Film mit den gleichen Darstellern und der gleichen überlangen Laufzeit abliefert, kann ich auch die gleiche Kritik noch mal bringen.

1 Kommentar:

  1. Ja,ja, Maschinen, die ganz toll Schmerzen haben, wenn sie in Mausefallen latschen... da muss man nicht mehr viel zu sagen. Da spiel ich doch lieber mit meinem Transformer aus Kinderzeiten, der heult wenigstens nicht, wenn ich ihm die Arme ausreiße.


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